Just like clockwork. Halloween ends, November begins, and I filled with a deep sadness. I wish, in some ways, it was different this year, but alas it is the same. Four years ago today my mom passed away. While I don’t think about this everyday, I do think of my mom at least once each day. The sadness of those initial days, weeks, and months is not there anymore. Yet, somewhere in my mind and in my heart lies a sincere longing to see her again. There is a part of me that is gone and I will never get it back again. However, if there is anything that I have learned over the past four years, is that I am not unique. We are all going to suffer losses in our lives, disappointments, pains that cut deep – we will all go through the refiner’s fire in one way or another. The Savior’s Atonement wasn’t simply for our sins, but was also for our suffering. He loved us so much that he was willing take our pains upon His shoulders. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that. That being said, November 14th is a day for me and my four brothers. It is a day that we can feel sad, that we can cry, and that we can feel sorry for ourselves and our loss, and no one can deny us of that.
My mom was the best mom in the world, but I may be biased. I miss being able to see her. I miss being able to tell her about my life. I miss the comfort that only she could provide. I am sad that she can’t be here to see my sweet little Caitlyn grow up. I am sad that Caitlyn won’t know her grandma in this life. If I only had five more minutes to tell her how much I love her, but I know that would not be enough. I wouldn’t let her go.
Five things I loved about my mom:
1). She was the most intelligent person I have met.
2). She could make your worst day better in a matter of minutes.
3). Although somewhat reserved, she always had friends.
4). She could make the best school lunch bars
5). She was an example.
I am going to hold my family a little tighter tonight and maybe I can force a hug out of Caitlyn. Just as I did last year, as I put Caitlyn to bed I will tell her stories about her wonderful grandma Cathy. I love you mom.
My mom was the best mom in the world, but I may be biased. I miss being able to see her. I miss being able to tell her about my life. I miss the comfort that only she could provide. I am sad that she can’t be here to see my sweet little Caitlyn grow up. I am sad that Caitlyn won’t know her grandma in this life. If I only had five more minutes to tell her how much I love her, but I know that would not be enough. I wouldn’t let her go.
Five things I loved about my mom:
1). She was the most intelligent person I have met.
2). She could make your worst day better in a matter of minutes.
3). Although somewhat reserved, she always had friends.
4). She could make the best school lunch bars
5). She was an example.
I am going to hold my family a little tighter tonight and maybe I can force a hug out of Caitlyn. Just as I did last year, as I put Caitlyn to bed I will tell her stories about her wonderful grandma Cathy. I love you mom.
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6 comments:
My only hope is that just one of my kids will love me as much as you loved your mom. You honor her so well. She was so lucky to have you, and you were lucky to have her.
She was such a special, kind lady. We miss her. I wish my kids had her in their lives. Three posts on my blog list today are about death. Loss is everywhere. The only thing we can do is love those around us as much as we can.
I can hardly believe that is has been four years. It has felt like forever ago since we have seen her. And yet where has the time gone? So much has happened and changed in the past 4yrs. And even though I already know the answer. I can't help but think... what she would think of it all. I know she is aware of us and even sometimes I am aware of her presents, I still feel her void in our lives. Even when I am not really thinking about it. It is always there. And so today is a day reserved for all of the happy and sad memories. And I am so grateful for her life, because I know that I am a better person and mother because of her.
Bryan said....
Mike I feel the same way at this time of year. The hardest part for me is my b-day, because mom came over for the last time. That was the last present I ever got from her. Then the next week we had along talk on the phone, and that was the last time I talked to her. But we know mom is in the best place, waiting for us. She knows that we all are remembering her on this day. I know she still comes to our house because we live the closest to her, JK. But I do feel her around me a lot.
I love those pictures! I think that what you wrote is so perfect. We all know pain in different ways. We are all hit some how, and when it comes we have our brother, the Savior to help us. You are important part of the Chalker Crazy Family. We love you!
Mike, I feel the same way. You say it very eloquently. I'm sorry.
-Carly
Mike what a sweet post. It is great that you still try to keep her memory alive and pass it on to sweet Caitlyn. My thoughts are with you Mike...hopefully it will start to get easier and not so dark and loomy as the anniversary approaches. hugs
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